Saturday, March 8, 2014

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY - Post-2 - SOME ACTIONS TO STOP ATROCITIES AGAINST WOMEN



INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

Post-2

Contd....from Post-1.

Life is incomplete without the Union of Man and Woman. Indian culture has always realized this Great goal of Life and made all its rules and procedure to ensure such a harmonious union of man and woman.

When a marriage takes place, the whole society approves it and blesses the new couple. Marriage is considered to be a bond for 7 births from now on – and not just for this one birth. There is no concept of Divorce at all in the Indian Marriage system. Even when Ahalya indulged in sex with Devendra knowingly, her husband could only curse her to become immobile for several years, but could not severe marital ties with her. After Ahalya saw Rama, Gowthama, her husband came back and took her back as wife. 

Siva is considered as Ardhanaareeswara – Parvati being his better half. The concept of Better half is not a western concept – but is a purely Indian concept. India only considers man and woman as a single, indivisible entity. Each compliments the other and there is absolutely no competition between the two.

India only considers every woman as a mother. Even a 100 year old man calls even a small girl child as Maa, or amma or mother. That culture has however degenerated with the invasions of external cultures. Woman in India today does not enjoy the same safety, respect or rights that she did in ancient India. Read any of our ancient literature. Love marriages were common. No woman was married off without her consent. Woman enjoyed a pre-eminent place in all decision making in all homes.

Manu said – where women weep, there the Gods do not smile. That home will never have any happiness in which women are unhappy. And, woman’s happiness is the direct responsibility of men. Likewise, man’s happiness lies in the hands of the woman. There is no good deed in which the woman cannot participate.

But, who remembers the past? Today, all sorts of canards and lies are being spread about India’s past. But, at the same time, woman’s safety and happiness  is coming down dangerously in the present. Never before were small children subjected to sexual assaults. Never before were older women touched with sex instinct. Never before were any gang rapes heard of in India. These were the most heinous crimes and were punished with death in India. 

So, why are these things happening in India today?

Some of the most prominent reasons are the degeneration of women on the silver screen and the small screen. Half clad women dancing in most obscene way is a common feature of many films in India. Sexist dialogues are most common. Eve teasing, especially by so called heroes, in Indian films is present in every second film. 

And the heroines are made to fall in love because of this eve-teasing, with a drunkard hero, who has no employment or even an earning instinct !! This sort of insane concepts are spreading from Films to actual life. And all this has come from silver screens to our drawing rooms and bed rooms via the small screen.

Even a child is a vivid onlooker of all this non-sense. And, sexual instincts and behavior do get aroused in all people because of these stupid things on the silver screen and small screen. Very few women may be half clad and gyrating sexually in the name of dancing - but crores of men are looking at them and getting sexually aroused, even in their homes. An aroused sex instinct seeks its satisfaction in too many unseemly ways – because, it is aroused in an unseemly way by unseemly women. That is why, the next available woman, be it a child or a dying old woman also is also becoming a target. Unless these sexy dances and dialogues on small screens are stopped, we can never hope to arrest these ugly things happening in the homes.

The second factor is the habit of smoking, drinking and drugs – and card-playing with bets. Somehow, all these habits are inter-linked and can be found to be simultaneously occurring in many young (and Old) men, including school going and college going students. You can never trust a drunkard with a woman. A drunk man is more likely to take undue advantage of a woman, whoever she is. Add to it, drugs and card playing with bets. You have all the ingredients to make these men indulge in rapes and gang rapes with no compunctions.

Let us not forget that a great man like Yudhishtir was tempted to bet his wife also in the game, lose her and get her subject  to forced stripping in full view of the entire court. Today also it is happening. A drunken man and a betting man will bet even his wife and submit his wife and sister also to the sexual lust of his friends, just to continue his playing and drinking.

A drunkard man is the biggest problem in the homes and is the chief destroyer of every woman’s happiness in the home. He will do anything to continue his drinking habit. He will sell anything at home, including his wife’s earnings. Homes are turned into Hells by these drunkard men. Women should refuse to marry drunkards.  But unfortunately, look at our movies, many heroes play the drunkard, who fights enemies and whom the heroine covets and marries. 

You will never find a hero studying or doing anything innovative. You will find most heroes drinking, playing comics, then fighting some stupids, then eve-teasing; then marrying the teased woman. This is the common theme in most movies. Male students learn drinking and eve-teasing especially from these heroes.

Until we stop these heroes from playing drunkard, eve-teaser roles, they will continue to be the role models for our male students and the students will do all these things to be like the heroes.

Eve-teasing is the easiest violence against women, which can be easily stopped – provided the Political will exists.

Women must express clearly that if eve teasing exists in Buses and trains and campuses in any state, women will vote against the present Government for this one particular reason. This is a sufficient reason to vote out a Government. A Government cannot continue to tolerate male students indulging in eve teasing in Buses, trains and campuses. This is the easiest thing to stop. 

The number of eve teasers is of course small. But all students get bad name. But, governments are afraid of strikes etc by all of them. Therefore, girl students also must strike until the atrocities of male students are stopped by Government. Put the errant students in jail for 10 days for every eve teasing incident. That is enough punishment. A repetition must result in dismissal and jail for one year. Deterrent punishment is a must for eve-teasing. 

If a college Management does not act on such errant students, the college licence must be cancelled and it must be asked to go to outskirts of the town, if it wants to restart its operations. No such errant males college must be allowed to function inside the town/city.

If we don’t act even in case of such eve-teasing incidents, there is no point in conducting INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY.

We have ACTS, ACTS, ACTS - What we need is ACTION now. One leader said this recently. I agree with this. Act against eve teasing. Act against half clad dances on silver screen and small screen. These are easy.

I had once complained to the Southern railway authorities about eve-teasing in a section of their trains. And, they had acted in a very wonderful, strict way for over a month - and put a complete end to eve-teasing in that section of the trains. Why can't others do it? If the will exits, it can be done today.

We will see some more angles of women's rights in a third post.
 

* * * TO CONTINUE.....



INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY- Post-1 -WOMAN'S ROLE IN ENSURING WOMAN'S RIGHTS



INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

Post-1

International women’s Day is celebrated on 8th, March of every year. This year’s theme set by the UN head Quarters is - “Equality for women is progress for all”. 

#HeforShe campaign

UN Women has  launched #HeforShe – a new equality branding campaign, in which men all over the world are encouraged to speak out against the inequalities faced by women and girls. 

About International Women’s Day

The United Nations began celebrating International Women’s Day (IWD) on 8 March during the International Women’s Year 1975. Two years later, in December 1977, the General Assembly adopted a resolution proclaiming a United Nations Day for Women’s Rights and International Peace to be observed on any day of the year by Member States, in accordance with their historical and national traditions.

The UNO has been striving a lot for bringing in Gender Justice across the world :
Let us take a look at the UN Themes for the International women’s Day in the Past :

Year UN Theme
1996          Celebrating the Past, Planning for the Future
1997          Women and the Peace Table
1998          Women and Human Rights
1999          World Free of Violence Against Women
2000          Women Uniting for Peace
2001          Women and Peace: Women Managing Conflicts
2002          Afghan Women Today: Realities and Opportunities
2003          Gender Equality and the Millennium Development Goals
2004          Women and HIV/AIDS
2005          Gender Equality Beyond 2005; Building a More Secure Future
2006          Women in Decision-making
2007          Ending Impunity for Violence Against Women and Girls
2008          Investing in Women and Girls
2009          Women and Men United to End Violence Against Women and Girls
2010          Equal Rights, Equal Opportunities: Progress for All
2011          Equal Access to Education, Training, and Science and Technology: Pathway to Decent Work for Women
2012          Empower Rural Women, End Poverty and Hunger
2013          A Promise is a Promise: Time for Action to End Violence Against Women
2014          Equality for Women is Progress for All

Different Countries have different levels of real, practically existing, women’s rights. In general, poorer, more uneducated countries have lesser women’s rights. Though Muslims will vociferously protest, Islamic countries certainly have lesser women’s rights than non-islamic countries. But, women activists are rising and fighting for their rights. 

Malala Yousafzai of Pakistan is a shining example of this fight for women’s rights in Pakistan. She was shot in the head and neck in an assassination attempt by the Taliban for advocating for girls' education. But, she survived and her spirit in fighting for her rights goes far beyond any fears of attack by the Taliban or by the Pak clerics/clergy.

Taslima Nasrin is a Bangladeshi woman writer who is also fighting – equally energetically – for women’s rights. She became the target for attacks by fundamentalist Muslims in Bangladesh for her 1993 novel Lajja, or Shame, in which she describes how a Hindu family is persecuted by Muslims. This publication changed her life and career dramatically. In India, a Muslim cleric offered a bounty of Rs.5 lakhs for anyone who beheads her. Many fundamentalist Islamic organizations violently protested against her. But, her spirit remains unfazed. It is a shame that India failed to warn her baiters and punish for abetting a heinous crime like Murder of this brave lady. My observation is - women’s activists in India also fail to protect her rights. In general, women are afraid of Islamic fundamentalists , including their clergy -  in voicing support for achieving equal rights for Muslim women on par with other non-Muslim women, leave aside on par with Muslim men. There are many other Muslim women who are fighting for their rights in Bangladesh, but periodically, there is also uprising of fundamentalists to suppress their rights, forcefully and violently as well.

INDIA

In India, crimes against women have been rising at an alarming rate. Bad Education and bad social and Political environment is at the core of all this mess. There is almost no day on which a rape or a gang rape does not occur in some part of India – in fact, in many parts of India. Rapes of small children to very old women – are all occurring in different parts of India. Rapes apart, Eve-teasing is too very common at Bus stops, inside Buses and trains and at Parks and other public places. Domestic violence is also common in many states. Dowry menace still exists in many states.

In my view, the solution does not lie in making more and more stringent laws, but in making our Education more ethical, more value-based and more character-inculcating. Today, India is imparting a most character-less education and that is at the root of all the evils of India, including the crimes against women. Without enriching education with ethics, morals, character, courage and nationalism, whatever else we teach – will make our children mindless robots. And, that is what is happening.

Women and men should make the governments at the centre and states to make this happen.

The very institution of caste would have vanished from India, without pain to any one, if only our Education keeps this as a Goal. 

All crimes against women would vanish, if only our education keeps this as a goal.

The mother-in-law vs Daughter-in-law paradox would never be there, if only women know how to love their daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law. And, this could be easily achieved through proper education.

Today, we always insist on rights – but never teach responsibilities and do not insist on responsibilities. This is the major cause of all of our ills.

Mother-in-law has certain responsibilities- mainly to love and care for the D-in-law also, like she does for her own son, and she must also to strive for closeness of the son and the d-i-law.

D-i-law also has certain responsibilities – chiefly to take at least 50% of the aged/ageing M-i-law’s burden on to herself and also not to create distance between the mother and the son. When we talk of women’s rights, these aspects come first and foremost. If these aspects are taken care of, there is no dowry problem, there is no domestic violence and the home is just the place where women will be most happy. No laws are required and no police man or judge is required to regulate the Home. Indian Police is the most unsuitable organization, for entering our homes to settle home-disputes. 

There should be a social, Quasi judicial organization to settle our internal disputes by suitable counseling. Instead, today, horrendous things are happening. On the one side, torturing the d-i-law/wife is still there in many states. On the other hand, unscrupulous d-i-laws are increasing in number who lodge false complaints against all in-laws and put them in Police custody. I don’t understand how we can believe the d-i-law so blindly and put all i-laws in Police custody / jail? In all such cases, counseling and ascertaining of facts by a social, Quasi-judicial, impartial organization, whose aim should be to restore cordiality in the home among all – must be the ideal, first step. Police should not be allowed to enter into homes in such disputes.

Women must realize that daughter in law and mother in law are both women and both have their rights and responsibilities. Your son only, is your daughter-in-law’s husband. Just as you love your son, you have a responsibility to ensure his character and value system. You must ensure that he loves and cares for his wife. The D-i-law must also realize that the son must continue to love his mother and care for her. 

D-i-law must integrate herself totally into her new home. Then only, most problems of women will vanish. This system has sound logic and reasoning behind it. If women look from the view point of the eldest woman in the family, from the view point of the mother in the family, this logic will be amply clear. But, at the same time, the new family must quickly welcome and adopt the D-i-law into their family. Woman has this capability of assimilating herself into her husband’s family inbuilt in her. This was always happening in the earlier days. It is in recent decades that this adoption process is suffering serious problems. This capability is not there in the man. If he goes into a new family, he will not only be a fish out of water there, but, there will be problems in his relationships with the women in the new family and also with the men in the family. I do not want to go in greater detail on this – but the existing system of d-i-law being well adopted in the new family is the best and only solution.

This solves many of women’s problems easily and smoothly. In the next post, I shall deal with man’s rile on women’s problems.

***Contd....


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

GREAT QUOTES - ART AND SCIENCE OF ADVICE - WHO, TO WHOM, WHERE, WHY, WHEN, HOW - THE ENTIRE GAMUT




THE ART & SCIENCE OF
ADVISING


Surely, ADVICE is an integral Part of our life. We give and receive advice almost on a daily Basis. Some advice is great, some trash and some mediocre. But Advising is both an art and science. Let us see the nuances of it in all its shades :

The Supply of “Advice” has always been more than its Demand. It has been so, from times immemorial.

Most Advice is Free.

Most Advice is offered unsought.

Most Advice is given because the Advisor can’t keep off from Advising; not because, the Advised person really seeks it or needs it.

Advising is a compulsive habit for many.

Most advice you receive in your life time is from people who don’t care a dime about you.

Most Advice you receive is from the media – news papers, TV, Radio and some through mail. Evidently, these worthies know nothing about you. But they feel that there are many receivers of their generalized advice who  share the same problems and troubles; and they in the media, have the solutions to these common problems.

The most competent persons have no time to advice – most of the time.

The least competent persons have the most time to advice.

Great Books contain Great Advice.

Great Men and Women’s life provides us Great Examples – which are in fact Great Advice.

Failed people advice others, more than successful people.

Most of the Success Secrets are already out in the open. Most of it is Great Advice in the Open.

Parents and Teachers are usually Good Advisers. Do heed their Advice.

Krishna, Buddha, Christ, Mohammed and other renowned persons were great Advisers relevant to their times and places. Not all of their Advice can be relevant to our times and our Places.

Some advice is time-independent and Place Independent. They are valid today and valid at every place. Some were valid only in the time and place in which the Adviser lived.

The Plain fact is, no man on earth can claim to know everything. That honour is reserved for the Almighty God. Which means, every Adviser, even the best of them, even a prophet, knows something, perhaps lots of things, but not everything.

Lord Krishna was the oldest known expert on Advice. His Bhagavad Gita contains the best ever Advice one can get on many aspects of Life.

Lord Krishna did not advice Arjuna so long as Arjuna was only pouring out his sorrow and his opinions to him.

Only when Arjuna (i) surrendered completely before Lord Krishna (ii) openly declared that he was Lord Krishna’s disciple (iii) openly supplicated that he was totally in Lord Krishna’s hands and (iv) openly and specifically sought Krishna’s advice on what Arjuna must do in the war field – it was then that Lord Krishna started his advice to Arjuna.

From Lord Krishna’s example, we learn the following rules on successful advising ;
(i)                 Never advice until the other person seeks your advice.
(ii)                Never advice until the other person expresses confidence in you and is willing to obey your advice
(iii)               Be very clear on the problem on which the other person needs your advice. And, stick to it.
(iv)              If there are more than one ways of solving the problem, do advice on all the ways you know.
(v)               Tell the other person the Pluses and Minuses of each method. Lord Krishna makes a detailed SWOT analysis of the problem and each of the solutions which he proposes. We cannot find a more detailed treatise on the secrets of successful problem solving.
(vi)              Adviser must give Guidance on the skills needed for implementing each solution. This is a fantastic approach in the Gita. Gita gives analysis of many sciences – which are unknown to the world of modern sciences even today. A knowledge of these sciences in the Gita – (i) can prevent diseases (ii) enhance happiness (iii) enable clear scientific analysis of men based on character, food habits and other criteria and (iv) teaches us the techniques of scientific meditation. There is huge information in the Gita on many ancient sciences, which are extremely Useful  in our modern times.
(vii)             Advice must result in positive action, prevent destructive action or achieve both.
(viii)            Adviser must be willing to help out the advised – in achieving the goal – through constant encouragement and further advice, whenever needed.
(ix)              The adviser and the advised exhibit either transactional nature of relationship or relational nature of relationship, the latter being more long term in nature. Transactional behavior ends with giving the advice and probably receiving a fee for it. There is no further continuity of the advisory relationship. On the other hand, relational behavior – continues until a long term goal is achieved. The adviser and the advised must be clear on what they want - between them. In some cases, transactional behavior is sufficient. But, in other cases, relational behavior is a MUST, for the advice to have any validity.

These are all lessons on the Art and Science of Advising that we get from Lord Krishna’s Gita sermon.

Now let us see some other aspects of this Art - from others :

1.   A fool thinks he needs no advice, but wise man listens to others. -  says the Bible
2.   A good scare is worth more than good advice. – Horace
3.   A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice  -  Anonymous
4.   Give help rather than advice. - Marquis De Vauvenargues
5.   Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. - Thomas L. Masson
6.   Consult your friend on all things, especially on those which respect yourself. His counsel may then be useful where your own self-love might impair your judgment. – Seneca
7.   He that gives good advice, builds with one hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with the other. - Francis Bacon
8.   I'm not a teacher: only a fellow-traveler of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead -- ahead of myself as well as you. - George Bernard Shaw
9.   If one man says to thee, ''Thou art a donkey,'' pay no heed. If two speak thus, purchase a saddle. - The Talmud
10.               In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used frequently to take my advice.  -  Winston Churchill
11.               It is easy to give advice from a port of safety. - Johann Friedrich Von Schiller
12.               It is only too easy to make suggestions and later try to escape the consequences of what we say. - Jawaharlal Nehru
13.               It takes a great man to give sound advice tactfully, but a greater man to accept it graciously.  -  J. C. Macaulay
14.               Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.  -  Publilius Syrus
15.               Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties. – Aesop
16.               Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Jeff Zaslow
17.               The rich are always advising the poor, but the poor seldom return the compliment. -  Sir Arthur Helps
18.               The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.  -  Hannah Whitall Smith
19.               There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man's self. - Francis Bacon
20.               They that will not be counseled, cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you on the knuckles. -  Benjamin Franklin
21.               When we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies. - Kahlil Gibran
22.               My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates
23.               Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! - George Bernard Shaw
24.               It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than 'try to be a little kinder.' - Aldous Huxley
25.               Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.  -  Wendell Johnson
26.               I always advise people never to give advice.- P.G. Wodehouse
27.               The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. - Douglas Adams
28.               A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice.- James Callaghan
29.               Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.- George Burns

There are a few other ancient Laws governing Advice. Like these :-

Be honest; Be also polite and sweet with your words of advice. People like a sugar coated advice rather than a pungent truth as advice. Always praise before advice.

The adviser must be and sound to be the Best well wisher of the person advised – else, the advice is surely wasted.

Know - when to advice, when not to; where to advice and where not to; in front of whom to advice and not to advice; and surely, whom to advice and whom not to.

 *  *  *  E   N   D  *  *  *