THE ART & SCIENCE OF
ADVISING
Surely, ADVICE is an integral Part of our life. We give and receive advice almost on a daily Basis. Some advice is great, some trash and some mediocre. But Advising is both an art and science. Let us see the nuances of it in all its shades :
The Supply of “Advice” has
always been more than its Demand. It has been so, from times immemorial.
Most Advice is Free.
Most Advice is offered
unsought.
Most Advice is given
because the Advisor can’t keep off from Advising; not because, the Advised
person really seeks it or needs it.
Advising is a compulsive
habit for many.
Most advice you receive in
your life time is from people who don’t care a dime about you.
Most Advice you receive is
from the media – news papers, TV, Radio and some through mail. Evidently, these
worthies know nothing about you. But they feel that there are many receivers of
their generalized advice who share the
same problems and troubles; and they in the media, have the solutions to these
common problems.
The most competent persons have no time to advice –
most of the time.
The least competent persons have the most time to
advice.
Great Books contain Great Advice.
Great Men and Women’s life provides us Great Examples –
which are in fact Great Advice.
Failed people advice others, more than successful
people.
Most of the Success Secrets are already out in the
open. Most of it is Great Advice in the Open.
Parents and Teachers are usually Good Advisers. Do heed
their Advice.
Krishna, Buddha, Christ, Mohammed and other renowned
persons were great Advisers relevant to their times and places. Not all of
their Advice can be relevant to our times and our Places.
Some advice is time-independent and Place Independent.
They are valid today and valid at every place. Some were valid only in the time
and place in which the Adviser lived.
The Plain fact is, no man on
earth can claim to know everything. That honour is reserved for the Almighty God.
Which means, every Adviser, even the best of them, even a prophet, knows
something, perhaps lots of things, but not everything.
Lord Krishna was the
oldest known expert on Advice. His Bhagavad Gita contains the best ever Advice
one can get on many aspects of Life.
Lord Krishna did not advice
Arjuna so long as Arjuna was only pouring out his sorrow and his opinions to
him.
Only when Arjuna (i)
surrendered completely before Lord Krishna (ii) openly declared that he was Lord
Krishna’s disciple (iii) openly supplicated that he was totally in Lord
Krishna’s hands and (iv) openly and specifically sought Krishna’s advice on
what Arjuna must do in the war field – it was then that Lord Krishna started
his advice to Arjuna.
From Lord Krishna’s example, we learn the following
rules on successful advising ;
(i)
Never advice until the other person seeks
your advice.
(ii)
Never advice until the other person
expresses confidence in you and is willing to obey your advice
(iii)
Be very clear on the problem on which the
other person needs your advice. And, stick to it.
(iv)
If there are more than one ways of solving
the problem, do advice on all the ways you know.
(v)
Tell the other person the Pluses and
Minuses of each method. Lord Krishna makes a detailed SWOT analysis of the
problem and each of the solutions which he proposes. We cannot find a more
detailed treatise on the secrets of successful problem solving.
(vi)
Adviser must give Guidance on the skills
needed for implementing each solution. This is a fantastic approach in the
Gita. Gita gives analysis of many sciences – which are unknown to the world of
modern sciences even today. A knowledge of these sciences in the Gita – (i) can
prevent diseases (ii) enhance happiness (iii) enable clear scientific analysis
of men based on character, food habits and other criteria and (iv) teaches us the
techniques of scientific meditation. There is huge information in the Gita on
many ancient sciences, which are extremely Useful in our modern times.
(vii)
Advice must result in positive action,
prevent destructive action or achieve both.
(viii) Adviser must be willing to help out the
advised – in achieving the goal – through constant encouragement and further
advice, whenever needed.
(ix)
The adviser and the advised exhibit either
transactional nature of relationship or relational nature of relationship, the
latter being more long term in nature. Transactional behavior ends with giving
the advice and probably receiving a fee for it. There is no further continuity
of the advisory relationship. On the other hand, relational behavior –
continues until a long term goal is achieved. The adviser and the advised must
be clear on what they want - between them. In some cases, transactional
behavior is sufficient. But, in other cases, relational behavior is a MUST, for
the advice to have any validity.
These are all lessons on
the Art and Science of Advising that we get from Lord Krishna’s Gita sermon.
Now let us see some other
aspects of this Art - from others :
1.
A fool thinks he needs no advice, but wise
man listens to others. - says the Bible
2.
A good scare is worth more than good
advice. – Horace
3.
A pint of example is worth a gallon of
advice -
Anonymous
4.
Give help rather than advice. - Marquis De
Vauvenargues
5.
Be yourself is about the worst advice you
can give to some people. - Thomas L. Masson
6.
Consult your friend on all things,
especially on those which respect yourself. His counsel may then be useful
where your own self-love might impair your judgment. – Seneca
7.
He that gives good advice, builds with one
hand; he that gives good counsel and example, builds with both; but he that
gives good admonition and bad example, builds with one hand and pulls down with
the other. - Francis Bacon
8.
I'm not a teacher: only a fellow-traveler
of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead -- ahead of myself as well as you. -
George Bernard Shaw
9.
If one man says to thee, ''Thou art a
donkey,'' pay no heed. If two speak thus, purchase a saddle. - The Talmud
10.
In those days he was wiser than he is now
-- he used frequently to take my advice.
- Winston Churchill
11.
It is easy to give advice from a port of
safety. - Johann Friedrich Von Schiller
12.
It is only too easy to make suggestions and
later try to escape the consequences of what we say. - Jawaharlal Nehru
13.
It takes a great man to give sound advice
tactfully, but a greater man to accept it graciously. - J.
C. Macaulay
14.
Many receive advice, only the wise profit
from it. - Publilius Syrus
15.
Never trust the advice of a man in
difficulties. – Aesop
16.
Some of these people need ten years of
therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Jeff
Zaslow
17.
The rich are always advising the poor, but
the poor seldom return the compliment. -
Sir Arthur Helps
18.
The true secret of giving advice is, after
you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or
not, and never persist in trying to set people right. - Hannah
Whitall Smith
19.
There is as much difference between the
counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is
between the counsel of a friend and of a flatterer. For there is no such
flatterer as is a man's self. - Francis Bacon
20.
They that will not be counseled, cannot be
helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you on the knuckles. - Benjamin Franklin
21.
When we turn to one another for counsel we
reduce the number of our enemies. - Kahlil Gibran
22.
My advice to you is get married: if you
find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates
23.
Why should we take advice on sex from the
pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! - George Bernard Shaw
24.
It is a bit embarrassing to have been
concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one
has no more to offer by way of advice than 'try to be a little kinder.' - Aldous
Huxley
25.
Always and never are two words you should
always remember never to use. - Wendell Johnson
26.
I always advise people never to give
advice.- P.G. Wodehouse
27.
The
quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality
of life they actually lead. - Douglas Adams
28.
A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s
advice.- James Callaghan
29.
Too bad that all the people who really know how to run
the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.- George Burns
There are a few other ancient Laws governing Advice. Like
these :-
Be honest; Be also polite and sweet with your words of
advice. People like a sugar coated advice rather than a pungent truth as
advice. Always praise before advice.
The adviser must be and sound to be the Best well wisher
of the person advised – else, the advice is surely wasted.
Know - when to advice, when not to; where to advice and
where not to; in front of whom to advice and not to advice; and surely, whom to
advice and whom not to.
* *
* E N D *
* *
No comments:
Post a Comment