Friday, February 22, 2013




The first thing about Mark Twain is – He isn’t Mark Twain.  He is, or, was Samuel Langhorne Clemens, born on, November 30, 1835 and died on April 21, 1910.  Mark Twain was his Pen Name. He was an American author and Great  humorist. His most famous novels were - The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; and, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn .

After failing in many things, Mark Twain  took up journalism. As reporter, he wrote a humorous story, "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," which won him nationwide attention. His subsequent travelogues were also very well received.

Thereafter, he achieved great success as a humor(ous) writer and public speaker. Mark Twain was lauded as the "greatest American humorist of his age." William Faulkner called him "the father of American literature."

Mark Twain was born during a visit by Halley's Comet, and he predicted that he would "go out with it," too.  He died the day following the comet's subsequent return.

Here are some of his excellent Quotes  & my comments against each (in brackets):

1)    Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. (Add TV Anchors also now, though they don’t buy barrels of ink.  Mark  was dead right. You can’t win over a TV anchor in his show or a news Editor in his news paper  – even if he is dead wrong )
2)    Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. (Even a Meteorite can fall . Why don’t they fall on terrorists? Lord Krishna says – their sins must MATURE, for some such thing to happen!!)
3)    Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. (When Mind starts becoming pure matter, age has set in + Alzheimer’s)
4)    Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ( Whether you have to kill a terrorist, or a Mosquito, do it without anger)
5)    Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. (Always assess the latter. Withdraw support when Governments do not deserve. That saves the country)
6)    If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. (But, do  we remember the truth clearly?)
7)    Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. (Kindness is the one language which must be taught at school – before anything else)
8)    The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. (Total & Absolute fearlessness – is called Liberation, Moksha or Mukthi – in India)
9)    It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. (True. But, even fools need to bridge their communication Gap!)
10)                    When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. (We are mad all the time – until we know we are. Once we know, we are out of it)
11)                    My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. (Mother is the first Goddess, Indian culture recognizes. It is through her, even God can come alive in us.)
12)                    If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. (That is what Mark Twain Knows. India is Twenty  years behind America and China. That distinction will stand when the world ends too)
13)                    The lack of money is the root of all evil. (Lack of Basic needs and love ( & not money) are at the root of all evil. One can have a billion dollars. Can he live well in Arctic? Have basic Needs and love. You can live anywhere on earth or another planet.)
14)                    All generalizations are false, including this one. (Very True. This too.)
15)                    There are lies, damned lies and statistics. (In India, we seem to  depend wholly on statistics, damned lies and lies – in that order)
16)                    A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. (& most of us are never comfortable!)
17)                    Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. ( I agree. How nice, if beautiful young ladies give birth to old people of age Eighty! Infant mortality rates would be much higher.)
18)                    To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. (One we have. How to have the other?)
19)                    Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. (Start with cockroaches. It is safer. Mark is wrong. You fear death the most. Do you do that first in life? Silly! Start with cockroaches.)
20)                    Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. (Jai Hind! Jai Hyderabad! Jai Delhi! What the hell am I saying ‘JAI’  for?)
21)                    It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. (True. But, the Big dog can develop the fight, while the small dog can’t become big.  )
22)                    If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. ( Eating frogs isn’t the best thing to do any time of the day.  The Frog doesn’t like it. Neither do You. There are always better things to fill the day with. Find them)
23)                    Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. (Very True. Fill the day with the emotion you like most. It is ‘almost’ involuntary. It flows in with the very first thought. Nothing more is needed. It is just waiting)
24)                    The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. (Again true. Say Good Morning to your spouse. It (she) cheers you up.)
25)                    The secret of getting ahead is getting started. (Problem is - knowing what to start and getting ahead of whom?)
26)                    I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. (Grieve not for any one – who is destined to go – any way – says, Lord Krishna)
27)                    Buy land, they're not making it anymore. (But, buy where others are buying too. Else you will live a lonely life)
28)                    I can live for two months on a good compliment. ( Give one often to others. It is good for them and for you too)
29)                    A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. (Mark was ,too. He knows.)
30)                    Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. (It goes on. We pile up unnecessary things until we die. Then we leave all of them and go free)
31)                    Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. (Neither is what we make.)
32)                    When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. (Brain drains love. Heart warms up love)
33)                    When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. (Now a days, it happens all the time. Friends become cruel)
34)                    Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. (And, then, he made the woman too, while almost asleep)
35)                    It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. (True. Physical courage can come with proteins and vitamins. But, we are yet to discover the food support for moral courage)
36)                    When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. (Someone who doesn’t know us  at least – must respect us)
37)                    Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.(Who cares? We want statistics on facts)
38)                    Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. (Isn’t that woman blushes more than man?)
39)                    Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.(Both go on simultaneously?)
40)                    Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. (If we all believe that GOD was busy writing books and advising people, until a thousand years earlier, and never thereafter – for all time to come -  what should be our opinion about our self?)
41)                    Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. (Think of the other person. You can’t think of anything good. Think of yourself. You can’t think of anything good. So, whom to think of?)
42)                    When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. (Yes. All of us were guilty of it – and never felt guilty then)
43)                    The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. (We can call ourselves fools any time. Others can call us that, on first, of April. Imagine, if they do so, all the time in the year!!!)
44)                    The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. (Yes. How can anyone think like that?)
45)                    There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. (One Hang-man will still be left. And, God will produce an Eve from his bone again)
46)                    Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. (That’s everybody’s common experience. Except the priest. Pity!)
47)                    Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. ( We are INVOLVED. He is not. You are the fathers and mothers. Damn You. The child has no role. The dying man has no role too.)
48)                    Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. (But, if you are the Good Example?)
49)                    Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. (Every accident does not result in a great invention. But, every Great Invention is an accident.)
50)                    The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. (God did the first mistake actually. God forbade the fruit of knowledge. And, that, in front of Eve! And he kept the serpent on the tree, to goad the Eve. And, Eve happens to come from the bone of Adam. What the serpent says, Eve can’t resist. What Eve says, Adam can’t resist. God’s first commandment was thus bound to be broken. Thus, have we all happened on earth. God isn’t sorry either.)
51)                    I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. (If you are still listening, I tell you , all those compliments, whatever they were, were, fully deserved by you)
52)                    The Public is merely a multiplied "me." (Exclude ME. I am different)
53)                    No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. (Ten minutes, do you consider, as good enough? Is it - For saving the sinners..., from the sermon?)
54)                    Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. (Which company’s water did the  FDA certify? They are the experts, on food and drinks, not you)
55)                    It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. (A life time goes into an impromptu speech, how so ever badly delivered)
56)                    Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. (Yes. They too feel exactly so.  Of us.)
57)                    The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. (Everybody is carrying the same banner, Look around)
58)                    There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. ( Have an Eve by your side. With all your cowardice, you will fall for the temptation, if you are a real, brave Adam at heart)
59)                    It is easier to stay out than get out. (I will get out here!)

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